I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
