all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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