remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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