Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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