I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
