I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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