I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
