Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
