It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
