the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
