Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My hand turned me down
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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