Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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