I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
