Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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