I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
