I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
