haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
