Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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