I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
