oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
