He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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