I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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