remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
