JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
