OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
