Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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