you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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