omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
