It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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