Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
