no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize