I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
