My friends, they love my intelligence
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
