I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
