Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
