i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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