Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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