Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
don't judge my taste in strippers
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
