Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
