feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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