I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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