Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
