I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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