dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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