At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
