i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
