Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
