I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
