I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
