Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
