A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i out mim tonsoeep
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
