just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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