How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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