You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
