i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
