I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
