I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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