he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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