It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
