There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
there is glitter all over my balls
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