you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
