Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
