Screwed.edu
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
