So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
