idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
