My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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