she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i believe in u and ur pee
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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