I love black thongs
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
