I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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