Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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