I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
